Generally speaking, I am the kind of a person, who likes to keep in touch with friends. In this busy life, it often becomes difficult to contact friends regularly. Also, due to Geographical differences, we cannot call (or expect others to call us) regularly. However, due to technological gems like email, IM, facebook and what-not, it is not very difficult as well, to contact friends once in a while, if not regularly.
Even then, I find myself detached with so many friends, for over years. I was going through my email contact list. To my surprise, I found that, more than 60% of my friends are not in touch recently. In fact, I had not heard a single word from them, for over 5 years or so.
Out of curiosity, I sent a one-liner email to all those out-of-touch friends. Not that I had expected a whole lot, but the findings were a bit interesting. Many of the emails bounced back, since the addresses did not exist any more. What that means is, the person had changed his/her email address, and had not notified me. Now, that’s a problem. I have no way to contact these guys, since, now I do not have their email address. If someone changes his/her email address, he/she has to notify his/her friends.
Although some of them did reply to me, some of them didn’t. In fact, one of the friends who didn’t, once met me, and mentioned that he had read my mail. OK, but then he never replied back… isn’t it? Or, he didn’t want to? Who knows.
On my recent visit to India, I was talking to one of my friends. She mentioned that she was not in touch with any of her best friends from college. I didn’t dare ask her: what kind of friends these are, who don’t keep in touch? Best friends, huh? However, she mentioned that people get busy with their lives etc. Fair enough. But, are they really so much busy, that the cannot even drop a line or two, to a friend, in an year? A birthday wish? New year wish?
On the other hand, during the same visit, I met another friend from school, who was arranging a re-union of our 1982 batch. Now, this guy is a chartered accountant, and neck-deep busy in his business and family. Still he managed to find time to arrange a reunion.
So, looking at these two extremes, this is what I conclude. It’s not always the lack of time, that keeps people from being in touch. There needs to be willingness for that.
Also, I observe that there is another factor here. That is called ‘EGO’. If I contact you (even if to say ‘Hello’), it means, I need to be in your contact. That reduces my (perceived) self-esteem, and in turn, hurts my (inflated) ego. Hence, I won’t contact you. THAT’s the scenario! Unfortunate.
As for myself: I try to send a couple of emails (or FB messages) to a long-out-of-touch friend. If the emails don’t bounce back, and I don’t hear from him/her for about 2-3 months, I don’t complain about it, but that person is out of my email addressbook and phone book.
All right then. Keep in touch, and have a happy new year.
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